WHAT’S YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE?

“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

It’s February, and we can’t help ourselves. Love has been on our minds. Did you know that there are, apparently, 97 million love songs in the world, and counting? Wise men and women from time immemorial who have loved — and loved and lost — have written countless letters, diaries, poems and books on the topic, trying to comprehend it, study it, analyse and conquer it. And yet, circa 2018, we are still none the wiser.

When it comes to affairs of the heart, one plus one does not always make two happy people. You may be making all the “right” moves but everything could still go wrong. Why? It’s very likely that you are not on the same frequency, or not speaking the same language.

That’s one answer if you asked Dr Gary Chapman. Dr Chapman is a marriage counsellor and the author renowned for his book The 5 Love Languages. They are, namely, Words of Affection, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. There is even a test you can take to discover yours. The idea is, once you’re aware of your language of love and that of your significant other’s, then you can start to speak each other’s language and avoid having your wires crossed all the time, which results in misunderstandings and conflict.

Also, since Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, we have a feeling this could come in very handy in finally getting her (or his) gift right.

The 5 Love Languages

Words of Affirmation: Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words “I love you,” are important — hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time: In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there — with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby — makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts: Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous — so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service: Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch: This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face — they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.